Definition of Happiness

The most common goal in life for most people is the pursuit of happiness. The problem is most people cannot agree on what happiness even is or how to achieve it. There are many different definitions of happiness. Some are based on psychological and neurological studies, while others are used as a marketing tool to sell a wide array of products. Some people will say money can’t buy happiness, but most people actually believe they will be happier once they have more money. Is happiness found through money? Power? Fame? Good looks? Achievement? Fun? Relaxation? Personal Growth? Experiences? Travel? Relationships? Thrill seeking? From within? Serving others? Success? Hard work? Purpose and meaning?

                If we ask this question to 100 people, we will get many different responses. Most people just say they want to be happy, but often don’t really know how to be happier. There are also studies that show the pursuit of happiness can lead to less happiness when people don’t feel happier from that pursuit. The problem is our brain is wired to adapt to our circumstances and it works very hard to keep our happiness level and pain level in balance. Happiness seems short lived as our brain adapts so we never seem to attain the level of happiness we are looking for. Because we are such complex beings, and the world is ever changing around us, it makes it very difficult to truly pinpoint what the definition of happiness for every person really is.

                We can start to make some progress by asking people to name times when they felt truly happy. At first glance, the answers will be completely different from person to person. Someone might say they are happy when they are eating dinner with their family. Another person might say they are happy when they are working on their business. Some are happy while seeking thrills, while others are most happy while reading a book at home. The list of happy moments people will be different from person, but will probably include when they are with friends and family, when they are doing something they enjoy, when they are engaged in a challenging task, or when they are learning something new that interests them. We can simplify everyone’s list to a few general statements. People feel happy when they are doing something they want to do, when they are somewhere they want to be, and when they are with others they want to be with.

                Now for the definition of happiness. We concluded earlier that our life is made up of a string of current moments. Happiness is being immersed in the moment. I know that is a simple definition, but think about it with me. If you think about moments when you felt immersed in the moment, did you feel happy? Can you think of happy times when you were not immersed in the moment? When you were immersed in the moment, were you where you wanted to be, doing what you wanted to do, and with the people you wanted to be with? On the flip side, unhappiness can be defined by not being immersed in the moment or not wanting to be in that moment. These are times when you wish you were somewhere else, doing something else, and with someone else. The more immersive current moments we string together in our life, the more overall happiness we will achieve. Even though we are all different, this definition of happiness will apply to all of us.

                My immersive moments will look different than your immersive moments. You may find yourself truly immersed in the moment while watching a Broadway production. I may be looking at my watch waiting for it to end. I might easily be immersed in the moment while solving math problems, but you may hate every second of it. One person might be completely immersed in the moment while at a large party, while another person will be more immersed in the moment when they are alone. Even though we are all different, we all have things that enable us to be immersed in the current moment. We all have happy immersive moments, and we all have moments where we are unhappy and can’t wait for that moment to end.

                Any person can find more happiness by increasing the number of immersive moments in their life, but we are not always in the situation we want to be in. Sometimes life can throw us curve balls and it seems like we struggle from moment to moment without being immersed in any of them. Some people are also put into terrible circumstances not of their choice. I am definitely not saying that those individuals should force happiness in that situation. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to do whatever we can to get out of that circumstance. Take the best action we can to move us closer to a situation where we can set up more immersive moments in the future. We can also work to find small ways to improve our current moments while setting up even better future ones.

Would we all be happiest if we just found the one thing that always helped us be immersed in the moment and only do that? Probably not. Once again, our brains are very good at adapting. Something that we enjoy and gets us immersed in the moment will only last for so long. I absolutely love to spend time in my hot tub. I could spend an hour every day in the hot tub. I feel immersed in that moment and I feel happy. Even though I can be immersed in the moment while in the hot tub, I started to be less immersed in the moment the longer I am in it. I would not be immersed in the moment if I was in the hot tub 12 hours a day. We all like and need variety and newness. Being immersed in the moment also doesn’t always mean fun and relaxation. Engaging work can be very effective to get us immersed in the moment. It is better for us to understand all the different things that help us be immersed in the moment and then to plan our moments to balance all those different things in our life.